Something Deeper...are we going there?

Just a few short days ago my life has been changed. In that, I mean to say that my view on my life and those around me. My heart has been shaken in a very intensive way that I am finding words to be far, few, and between, to explain all that is taking place. Hopefully I can, in days, weeks, months, and years to come explain many things. For now, in this small space for typing up thoughts and such let me say... "How deep can we really go, with God that is? Are we asking the deeper questions? Are we seeking the depths of God's word, His heart, His creation, His plan?"

In the midst of loss, pain, and unexpected tragedy, I am finding HIM. Joy has sought me out and is bringing something new to my heart... healing.However, not just in the sense of just healing my brokeness, my mourning, but also bringing in a strength of being able to see and know pain without it deeply wounding me that I half way recover. No, in fact that I can cope with pain and brokeness head on with the cloak of JOY...unspeakable. Is that not amazing or what? In loss, am I not supposed to sulk, depress back, regress, be a bit angry, sad(er)? I think it's deservedly mine as a human right? But what if the plans of trials, tribulation, and loss are deeper for the purposes of driving out of us those things which hold us back, and ushering into us those things that catapult us into an eternal bliss and plethora of depth never known? Could this be possible? Everyone around you is asking how you are doing, feeling, and if there's anything they can do to let them know. Half expecting, I think, for you to completely fall apart and for their loving arms to catch you. This is not wrong, but is it a possibility that out of  the ashes our beauty arises from the strength of our Father's love and joy. Not just over us, but being blown in us, like a wind blowing a river strongly to it's destiny, or through trees and shaking off the dead leaves. So that when your loved ones are asking these things, pondering these things, and wanting to be there for you, what they witness is a pure miracle of utter and complete transformation and a change only explainable by His Royal Providence and Majesty Jehovah Jireh God Almighty. When their arms are floating in the air to hopefully catch you, they see you are not falling, but are coming down on the winds of grace with your hands held up, yes with tears in your eyes and your heart still aching, but with JOY, I SAY JOY. You look down in their loving eyes and say, "I've encountered the living God in a new way and it's changing me, yet again HE is changing me!" Halelujah!

Let me share a few testimonies (my story of what has happened will come later as I am still gathering my thoughts and praying through the many things happening in my heart) of what I have experienced.

Sunday night when we came home from the E.R. and had the grave news of a miscarriage happening right there before our eyes, we prayed. As we did, Jesus came to me in a short and quick vision. He was standing there and said, "Look, I have your baby and he is okay. It's okay. He's safe." I saw a full term baby in His arms. That brought so much comfort to my heart, even though we were hoping that God would turn everything backwards and fix the issues at hand and heal up my womb and the baby. No such thing happened. But as I look back, Jesus brought me instant comfort by first appearing to me in the brightest of lights and showing a FULL TERM baby in His loving arms. Secondly, He spoke to me tenderly and made sure I knew where my baby boy was and that he was safe. He also said, "You will see your children, and rejoice!" I already rejoice at knowing they are growing up in such a wonderful and beautiful place, knowing Jesus, and growing up under His leadership and love.

During my D&C surgery, Monday evening, something very special happened. At first it was all just white and blurry, then... I heard singing, and I was singing. Groups of people and angels were there! We were worshipping the Lord. BRIGHTNESS everywhere. Their faces blurred to me now, but there I knew them. I don't know how I knew them, but I did. Then this guy, who reminded me a lot of Brad, but was not him, stepped out and said, "Alright everyone, ready to PRAISE the Lord?" We all cheered and were so excited. He had a stool and set it out to sit on it. He also had a guitar with him and he sat and began to play songs that I don't remember at this moment. But there I knew the words! There I was very joyful! There I was sooooooooooooooo HAPPY! When the anesthesiologist woke me, I thought, "Nooooo not yet, don't wake me, let me stay and PRAISE the Lord!" But I did awaken, and I couldn't stop smiling. I knew I had just had surgery due to having a miscarriage, but yet I was rejoicing! How is that? My very nature of being human changed! I should have been sobbing my eyes out. The nurses should have been rubbing my back and bringing me loads of tissues! BUT all I could do was rejoice! I don't know if I was dreaming, if it was a vision, or out of body, I really don't care! IT WAS WONDERFUL! God is so good, that He took me to a secret place, the most happiest place to rejoice and do what I LOVE TO DO THE MOST! WORSHIP HIM with OTHERS! Now there is much more to say on this... but I don't have the words.

Develop what you want on this and may your trials, your tribulations, your misfortunes bring you into a place where depression, sadness, anger, and bitterness can not touch you. But the very human nature you have to have all these aforementioned things does not exist! That what you have is CHRIST, and the living hope that He is. May you find that JOY knocked at your door and you gladly opened it and and said, "YES, please do come in." Fully trusting your heart to JESUS!

In the Hope that does not disappoint,
Leslie